The Radically Undersexed

I agree. Much of humanity just might be undersexed. Although according to this woman, the MAJORITY OF PEOPLE ARE UNDERSEXED. What’s up with that? Well, if you think about all the rigidity, and frustration and congestion out there in the world… it’s a pretty damn good symptom of the pent up, tense, on edge people that are out there. And that might be you reading this, and it might not. There’s also the numbness caused by TV, over stimulation, fixation, stress, bombardment of EMF’s, electronics, over worked, over weight, over eating, diseases, compulsions, despression etc.

Thankfully, people are waking up. And people like Kim Anami are doing something about it by sharing their message and their beliefs. Its making a difference out there in helping people FEEL, FEEL GOOD, FEEL SATISFIED, and FEEL LOVED. FEEL CONNECTION. FEEL EACH OTHER. FEEL THEMSELVES.

All I know is, I am a BIG supporter of people having more sex.

You can look up the benefits of health when having sex anywhere. Here’s a few: Happiness, joy, calmness, focus, spiritual connection, improvement of your health, greater concentration, deeper connection to humanity, increase in love, ability to feel compassion, relief of depression, sadness, grief, and I could go on and on.  This info should be in schools, it should be in sex ed classes. But it isn’t.

Why sex? What kind of sex?

Safe sex, happy sex, feel good sex, slow sex, oral sex, quickie’s, sex by candlelight, sex with lovers, sex with friends, friends with benefits, romantic sex, tantric sex, cathartic sex, therapeutic sex, make up sex, experimental sex, orgasmic sex, fun sex, aggressive sex, sensual sex. And more.

Wow. Didn’t know there were that many kinds of sex did ya? Get out there and have sex! And always, be safe. Gone are the patriarchal needs of society, government, and institution, and here is a new era of freedom, liberation, compassion, and connection!

Good sex to you all! Go out and get some, give some and share some.

PS: Dad If you’re reading this, no Im not saying everyone should go and swap fluids and be reckless. Thanks.

How to get over failure NOW

I have just taken on a new practice.

Its called writing an “I quit letter.” It was inspired by Noah Kagan’s App Sumo course, “Wantrepreneur” & “How to make your first dollar” which I am in.

Being an Entrepreneur and having a little bit of ‘Follow the shiny light bub’ syndrome, I figured it was a good idea to get an education in this brilliant minds course. (Noah was #30 at facebook and #4 at Mint.com and now founded his own business which is doing quite well.) So Im starting a new business or two. And there are days where I don’t feel like quitting or throwing in the towel,  but there are days where I think its not working out or that it wont amount to anything. So I took his advice and I quit.

I wrote a letter, whining and bitching and moaning to myself about why I should quit and throw in the towel. I wrote allllll kinds of reasons why I should quit, why it isn’t working out, why Im a failure, and then by the 3^rd paragraph, I cant take it anymore. And I end up laughing by the end of it.  I end up turning the letter around into all the reasons why Its working. Why it is going to work. Why it will work. Why im on the right path. Why every other person before me who has achieved success has gone through this. And by the end of the letter, Im back in action.

Failure and You

Its pretty bad ass, and kinda fun. So long as you don’t go off the deep end with it. I’d say, if you’re ever having a rough day, give it a shot.

I might do it monthly.

If you do do it (how is that acceptable grammar)… some of you might need to write 2 letters. Some of you might need to write a letter and go for a walk, again, not off a bridge. Just around the block.

Go ahead, throw in the towel. You don’t have to tell anybody. I didn’t.

Oops.

Interview with Shawn Miller of Young Hip n Married

I interviewed Shawn Miller from Young Hip N’ Married. A Vancouver based wedding officiate and pre-marital support company. The whole time, I had the awesome feeling, that pretty much everything this man was saying, completely aligned with me. We are both passionate about sending the divorce rate in the other direction.

I knew I had to speak with Shawn as him and his wife Erica and their business is 1) very needed 2) very unique and 3) Canadian!  So buckle up ladies and gents, this man is passionate about what him and his wife do, and he did not hold back. Of which I am grateful.

MICHAEL: Tell us, what does your company do?

SHAWN: We are a wedding officiate and marriage coaching/counseling service. We offer pre marital coaching so that couples can have a higher success rate in staying together.  We’ve been doing it since September of 2010, and my wife and I have been having a great time with it. (One look at their site and it shows they know how to have fun. They have 3 kids as well!)

MICHAEL: I understand you’ve been growing each year. Why do people come to Young Hip n Married?

SHAWN: Couples come to us talking about getting married, and are looking for support, they want to know how to not end up like a statistic. If you’re spending $15,000-$40,000 on a marriage, how about making it last? It’s about educating, and helping them. They have a fairytale kind of concept, of marriage and sometimes of each other. If they’re educated or prepared, then they can turn that fairytale, into a reality.

MICHAEL: Where do you think the future of marriage is headed?

SHAWN: I’ve been asked this before… There’s something about marriage that people want. It is a magical thing. Its not about paper certificates or the government. It is inherent within the human race to say “I want to be with someone.” So I don’t think its going anywhere. There might be less marriages, and more divorces right now. But I think the trend will shift… “How do I not end up divorced?” If you’re asking this question, then you’re in the right place.

MICHAEL: Why do you think the divorce rate is so high?

SHAWN: In our parents generation, it wasn’t acceptable. Now its acceptable. And because people don’t want to do the work, they want to jump out fast. I’ve been married 9 years, and I’ve thought about leaving. It happens. But were now encouraged to give up and bail. What people don’t realize is that you have a greater chance of failure. The divorce rate is even higher the second time around.

MICHAEL: Is the Divorce rate going to get any better? If so how, if no why?

SHAWN: Yes, it will. The coaching culture is making and will be making a big impact. Its helping, its big and its growing. We have an innate human desire to improve ourselves.

MICHAEL: What can be done to help couples prevent their divorce?

SHAWN: Be prepared. Anticipate disappointment, and upset. Get the help you need. Know that money is the #1 cause for divorce. So make sure you are financially aligned on your views on debt, and money, etc. Know that its not overnight, its a process. Do the work and it benefits you in the long run. And its not just about staying married, but enjoying it, and having fun too.

MICHAEL: What are some values couples should align on?

SHAWN: Morals – a big one. What you hold to be morally true. It can be a big area of conflict. You want to have topics like cheating, stealing, – overall integrity covered. It’s inside of how you conduct yourself, your goals and pursuits in life. What is the focus going to be? Family or career? Are you adventurous or still? The things that drive you make you thrive. Think about this. This is a deal breaker. You have to be honest.

MICHAEL: I completely agree with the deal breakers. What are some things couples can do to help nurture their relationship before marriage?

SHAWN: Falling in love requires a pulse. To stay in love, you need a plan. If you want to stay in love, we would be more than happy to help you with that.  Relationships are not 50/50 – they are 100/100. (I laughed out loud the expression was so good. He said he got it from a preacher in Atlanta. You gotta love the authenticity.)

MICHAEL: How does a couple or a person know they are ready for marriage?

SHAWN: You’re never really ready. But when you can commit to make this person’s life better, not what they can do for me, but what I can do for them. Ask yourself the question, “Can someone else do a better job of loving them, than me?” If you say maybe then you’re not ready. If you can say no way, then you’re ready.

Michael: Any other advice you have for couples out there?

Shawn: There are hard times. And, its an opportunity to intertwine and partner up, where the marriage can get even richer. Even sweeter. My wife and I we embrace the hard times and struggles. Sometimes its over quick and sometimes its longer. But we embrace because we know what beauty is on the other side for us.

Awesome! Thank you Shawn!

Erica and Shawn

Though they’re from Vancouver, the have services almost all across Canada. They came into Toronto recently and I even had the pleasure of meeting them in person. They’re great people! If you’re thinking about getting hitched, Young Hip n’ Married is worth checking out. They offer something different and fun for couples. I highly recommend giving them a call or visiting their site for more info.

Second Chances are important

We all mess up.

We’re not always our best 100% of the time. Its impossible to be your best self ALL OF THE TIME. I wish it were true. But it just isn’t always possible. We are human beings. And human beings, by default can fuck shit up sometimes. We make mistakes, and do stupid things here and there. (See history.)

So its important to give second chances. We can’t always nail every shot, crush every presentation, hit the mark, get the bulls eye every time. Same thing in your relationships. If you can’t forgive, forget about it. We have to open up ourselves to grant second chanes.

If you meet someone, and they dont leave a good first impression, well that happens. But what if they really are a great person. But they’re having an off day. They just received some bad news. They got into a fender bender just before meeting or seeing you.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Yep. Well, “The first impression isnt always the best one.” Sometimes the second one is. If someone can restore your faith in them, after a second chance, thats even more impressive!

I’ve met someone and had my judgements about them. I stuck to them, sure. And then the second time I met them, they wow’d me. Sometimes it was an employee, or a new hire. Sometimes it was someone I met at an event. A lady I’d met.

Second chances = compassion. Compassion = wisdom. This can mean more happiness, more peace, less stress, and less frustration for you. But if you’re in a relationship, or dating someone… Remember, we’re all human. Things don’t always flow 100% of the time. There are bumps, and hills. Sometimes chaos. If we aren’t willing to go through the ups and downs, then whats the point of being on the roller coaster in the first place?

The ups and downs of relationships

Kissing: The physical expression of the emotional connection between two

Why is kissing so important? Is kissing important? Is it important enough to leave someone for…. At least in the early stages? YES!!! Why? Well, you may be able to really determine TRUE compatibility when you are kissing someone. I mean you never really know someone until you kiss them. (When Seraph fights NEO in the matrix he says, you never fully know someone until you fight them – haha) I’ll tell you a recent experience with someone I had. First off, she is wonderful. We’ve known each other for a few years and we’ve always been close. Superconnected. And I’d been waiting years to find out what it would be like to kiss her. And when I did… “Oh.” Was the thought running through my mind.

I have to tell you, it was a little disappointing… And yes, that did colour the experience for me.

(I listen to Broken Social Scene’s superconnected as I write this. If youv’e never heard it, just let it play in the background.)

There is magic to kissing… you know it. There is a special flow, to a great kiss and to two great kissers! There is a certain dance. Yes it’s a literal dance in the mouth. A great kiss has depth, and fun, and is slow and maybe fast at the same time. There is an exchange. It is passionate, at leas it can be. Here is what it really is: A physical translation of both comfort, connection, and compatibility. But either way… A great kiss is when two people disappear their bodies AND MINDS. Their mouth takes over and the lips (and tongue of course) enter in a mix of sensual blissful exchanges. Maybe I should teach kissing courses.

Agree or disagree, let me know.

Where do you tell the truth?

Everyone wants the truth, but not everyone is able to tell it.

Why is the truth so important? Isn’t that what we strive for? Don’t we want that, need that, look for that in our lives? From our parents, our siblings, our government, our educators, our justice system, don’t we want the truth? Why should our relationships be any different? This might be a no brainer, but when you look at the previous post on lies, it’s pretty a darn needed key. Hopefully even if you are a truthful person and most people are, (I don’t believe there is any such thing as an inherently bad person, although historically this assumption could be questioned), you just discovered some places you could open up and be a little more honest with some people in your life.  And that’s a good thing. I’m sure they would appreciate you or acknowledge you for it in the very least. Why?

It takes something to be truthful. It really does. It takes a little bit of courage. Just a little and yes sometimes more. If you’re overwhelmed by this section, don’t be. We are not talking about you being JFK or Martin Luther King or Bill Clinton here. You aren’t going up in front of a nation and defending or confessing some accusation that others have made. And while it would be absolutely incredible, you aren’t exactly standing for a race or a generation against an onslaught of oppression. So relax. It is only one person, or two, and it is going to pass. It is going to pass! And the communication of your truth may result in more love.   When I told my partner what I had done, I looked forward to the truth coming out, and eventually I got down to brass tax: The pain suffered now would not compare to the pain suffered over time, the longer I waited. And what was at stake was honesty, love, and everything I respected her for. Don’t you want your partner to be truthful to you as well? Well guess what, you will have to be first. That’s right. If you’re thinking, ‘Why me first?’ you’ve got the wrong thinking cap on my friends. It starts with you. [***GOLDEN NUGGET***] Everything starts and ends with you. Take this on in your life and know the great power you wield. This way you have full control and responsibility for everything that happens in your life. You are no longer at effect, you are at cause, and that is super powerful!

So if you’re already telling the truth, and some of you are, then I acknowledge you! Make note of where you tell the truth in your life already and know yourself as great, as amazing, and definitely special. I commend you because it takes courage, honour and love to do it. When you bring forth and muster the bravery to tell the truth when we live in a world filled with untruths, your partner will thank you, your partner will love you more, your partner will respect for telling the truth even after the relationship has ended. And if they never thank you, or never have thanked you, I thank you for doing it. Yes you, I am thanking you right now. Because it can be a thankless job sometimes and my heart goes out to you.

 

( This was an excerpt from my upcoming book “Find Em & Keep Em: A Guide to Attracting the Right Partner”)

Mixing business with pleasure: Managing workplace intimacy

The following is an excerpt from the Washington Times:

WASHINGTON, July 3, 2013 – The development of intimate relationships in the workplace is inevitable. Let’s face it: the work environment is created to attract like-minded people who share career aspirations and possess similar knowledge, skills and abilities. After spending five consecutive eight-hour workdays together per week, it is only natural that many employees would connect on a deeper, more romantic level.  Young career-minded business professionals who are dedicated to advancing their careers have found few other environments as conducive for romance. In fact, according to a study conducted by Society for Human Resources Management, nearly 40% of workers have had an office romance.

Unfortunately, it almost goes without saying that romantic relationships can compromise business activity. Once personal lives enter the workplace, there is an immediate distraction from the job at hand for those involved in the relationship and to observant coworkers. In addition, there is a high likelihood that these relationships will lead to serious division among coworkers in the workplace, particularly when the two people involved in the relationship start to quarrel and even break up. This sets up the perfect scenario for sexual harassment claims and often other legal issues for the company that employs the unhappy couple.

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Thats enough of that. Too rigid. No heart.

While this article may be accurate and may be on the business side, there is something else. An element of options that is lacking. If you want the full article, go for it. It was mostly geared towards CEO’s and Managers dealing with what they described as a “problem for efficiency.”

Uh oh

There are options: transferring departments, moving locations, 1 person or the other quitting/leaving the company (of course of their own free will only), and theres the best option for everyone which the FULL article (it was a long one) did not discuss… What is it? Well its the simple fact of being mature and responsible. I dated in the workplace. I met people I started relationships with in the workplace. Many times. In fact, I refer the workplace as a great place to meet people. Like the article says, you spend so much of your time there. It is almost inevitable! And thats okay! As long as you can be responsible about it.

Things you can do if you fall in love in the workplace

• Be disciplined. Honour your work and deadlines. Still get the job done.
• Treat your manager as you want them to treat you. Good open lines of communication
• Make times to meet, on each others breaks, and after work is over.
• Respect your company enough to be honest about it, HR will suffice.
• Demonstrate that it wont be a problem for your employer, by not making it a problem.
• Honour your partners career and aspirations by not pushing them too far into a danger zone
• Value your work and career for what it is, a paid position, and a place for you to grow.
• Dont make it obvious, dont do PDA, but find ways where you can express your care for each other, in subtleties.

Try to look at it from a  WIN – WIN – WIN scenario.

the little things

Just a beautiful Song and Display of Artistry and Talent

I happen to love this artist and this song.

One of the reasons I enjoy his music so much, is because when he plays, I believe he really plays from a place in his soul and heart. A place that we dont always hear too often on the radio and such. And this is a special video. I think this song was captured in a special way on this clip. See if you can watch the whole thing and appreciate the beauty. Especially at the 3, 5 and 9 minute marks. But stay til the end and you get a real treasure.

 

His music is great and his band is too. I saw him live a few years ago. These are great reflection songs, love songs, rock songs, and then they’re something different at the same time.

Journal Review; Where Ive come; A Meditation

I have a notebook. Well I have several notebooks on the go usually. And they fill up pretty fast.

But I created one specific notebook for ‘Spirituality’ – 2012 was a very spiritual journey for me and I did a lot and learned a lot.

Right now, Im reviewing this finished journal, before starting a new one. Something I recommend if you’re an avid writer too.

11/23/12

A nice Friday night to myself in my condo. (see previous post after separating from girlfriend, she moved out)

In meditation, sometimes you can have a conversation. With who? Well thats up for debate. But you can ask questions and receive answers. It might be from your guides, angels, source, god, or the god within. Who knows how to prove this? Its usually whatever feels right for you. Anyway, here’s some questions that were on my mind, and the answers that ‘came’ to me. You’ll find its answers were very smart in a obvious kind of way, and ironic.

Me: How can I give back to life?

Voice: By giving back.

Me: What can I give back?

Voice: Love.

Me: What can I really give back?

Voice: Love.

Me: Oh okay…

Me: How come I cant manifest riches and wealth?

Voice: You can. It just takes longer.

Me: Why?

Voice: Because its physical. It takes more time.

Me: Why cant I do it by just being blissful and happy? Why do I have to work so hard?

Voice: Who said bliss and happiness cant be had while working hard? You have bliss when you’re working hard. You know you do.

Me: Yes. Yes I do. (I smile) I know what you mean. Like when I worked for (x and y company). I really enjoyed going there and giving it my all everyday.

Voice: Exactly.

So simple. Happiness and Bliss inside of working hard. Like a farmer in a field. Enjoying the labour they invest, to see the crops reap in the harvest and literally eat the fruits of labour.

Satisfied Farmer