Why online dating doesn’t work and what you can do about it
Now, while online dating does work for some, it doesn’t work for many. This post is for those of you whom it hasn’t worked for.
It comes down to one thing, you. It’s not the people and it’s not the dating site. Although part of it is a bit of the ‘culture of online dating’ which I’ll get to in a moment.
I know why people go to online dating. Many people ‘resort to’ online dating. They feel like they’ve tried and looked everywhere else. It should be easier this way and they feel they’re just too busy.
I don’t actually like online dating that much and I don’t recommend it to my clients because I prefer the natural, in the real world, as your living your life, kind of magic of meeting people. (Like they did in the good ol’ days of courtship) But for your benefit and so that you understand why it isn’t working for you, I have the answer. Here it is.
1. You don’t know what you want. People that find the perfect match and end up getting married are those who are clear about what they want and why they want it. That way, when he/she walks through the door and once you sit down and have real conversations, it becomes crystal clear and obvious after some time. When you are looking for someone online, you’re not really looking with a purpose or an intention. Like going on Facebook or Youtube. It’s just to kill the time.
2. While browsing and finding a profile of someone who interests you, you begin to create an idea in your head of the person you’re seeing. Right after viewing their profile, you start to piece together details in your mind and you automatically start to play out what they should look like, how they should treat you, and how they should talk to you. Then you see them in person and they fail to match up to 100% of what you saw and hoped for, so you say goodbye.
(Its like when you read a good book, and when Hollywood turns it into a movie, you write it off to your friends and say “The book was better.” Why? Because your imagination takes over when reading the book. Your mind formulates the characters, settings, location, and subtle nuances. Everything is mapped out to how you want it to go. And then you see the movie and you’re disappointed it wasn’t how you thought it ‘should be’.)
3. Most of the whole online to in person meetings are based on looking good, avoiding looking bad, and trying to make a good impression. Which leaves you nervous, rigid, and not at your best. Instead of making a good impression by just being yourself. That is who you are after all. (You and them are guilty of this, and that’s what has the cycle continue.)
That’s great Relationship Master, but I need solutions!
1. Figure out what makes you look online in the first place. Why are you there? What are you looking for? WHO are you looking for? (Dont be bland like Mr. Right or Mrs. Right now) Get detailed!
2. Refrain from judging them so instantly. Allow yourself to be surprised. Try to discover who they are instead of looking for their faults within the first 30 minutes.
3. Let them be themselves, and stop judging them like they’re auditioning for a play in your movie. And better yet, be yourself too! Let your guard down! Let it all just hang out and try to enjoy being together for once.
Sounds like too much work? You want a life hack? Fine.
Skip all this and do a Skype call before you meet them.
But still. Do the other solutions I mentioned and you’ll have much better online dating experiences! And heck, maybe if you get good at it, you’ll find what you’re looking for too.
If you want some extra help, I have a webinar coming up Wednesday on how to easily and effortlessly attract great partners into your life. You can register for it here.